In the last few years of my life I have come to appreciate the power of expectation and how it can literally define much of my waking experience. Expectations are a big focus of my work with clients, particularly when working with cognitive behavioral therapy principles. We are all familiar with the concept of an expectation, but it is not until I have stopped to really consider how my expectations could contribute to my discontent that I began taking things seriously.
Expectations create a narrow set of circumstances for happiness and satisfaction
An expectation is not hard to understand. We expect something to happen or use it to define the way someone should behave. It seems simple enough, an expectation being a situation we define as satisfactory which will lead to at the very least contentment, and at the most genuine happiness and ease. However, by setting an expectation we have unwittingly defined a very narrow window in which we will be satisfied, and limitless others which are now outside the bounds of satisfaction.
Expectations are a part of life, but we must determine when they are reasonable
As an example, if I expect that every time I go into a restaurant I will be served with a smile and an urgency that communicates the server is interested in my happiness, I will be satisfied. But, at the same time, this expectation also means I will not be happy if my experience is anything else. With this scenario, it seems I will likely be more unhappy with my restaurant experiences given how the world actually works.
When our expectations take over our experience, we lose control of our thoughts, feelings, and actions
To put this in different terms, I like to think about the expectation as a literal chunk of my happiness. Whenever I place an expectation on a person, place, thing, etc. I essentially give over a chunk of my happiness and expect that that person/place/thing will nurture and maintain it to my liking. This illustrates the biggest issue with expectation, which is that an expectation is ultimately the loss of power over our own emotions. Someone, or something, else is in control.
Engaging in thoughtful monitoring and evaluation of our expectations can lead to more positive and meaningful experiences
Letting go of certain expectations frees us to experience things for what they truly are. Simple things like driving in traffic or waiting in line become an accepted reality of life rather than another daily obstacle. It isn't easy to challenge our long held expectations, but doing something so simple can have great impact ourselves and those around us.
For further reading about other cognitive behavioral therapy principles, see my resources page here.
